FROM CHAOS TO CLARITY

​

The Long Road Back to Myself

 

I didn’t come into this world playing it safe.

I had fire in my bones, a brain without an off-switch, and curiosity that got me into all kinds of beautiful trouble. I started experimenting with drugs in sixth grade—thanks, D.A.R.E.—and by high school, I’d sampled everything but heroin. That came later.

Then came cancer. Senior year. A rare one. I survived, but it didn’t wake me up—it lit a match under an already-overloaded nervous system. Trauma, intensity, and the constant craving for more became my baseline.

And so, I dove headfirst into addiction.

For over 20 years, I didn’t just flirt with chaos—I married it. Drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships, perfectionism. Super-sized, please. I wasn’t chasing a high—I was chasing peace, purpose, and a way to feel at home in my own skin. But in a world that celebrates checking out? I was just another overachiever secretly unraveling.

Here’s what most people miss:

Addiction wasn’t the enemy. It was my survival strategy. A brilliant, misguided way my brain rewired itself to chase dopamine and avoid pain. Neuroscience explains it. Spirit redeems it. I’ve walked both paths.

I spent years as a nurse in detox and psych units—saving lives while slowly losing my own. I could speak DSM fluently, but when it came to my own healing? No textbook applied.

What cracked me open wasn’t rock bottom. It was stillness. Sitting with the discomfort I’d spent years trying to outrun. Rewiring my nervous system. Reclaiming my chemistry. Remembering who I was before the world told me to forget.

That’s when I found it—my dharma. Right there in the dirt.

Now I work with seekers and strugglers who are done surviving. This isn’t court-ordered sobriety or white-knuckle abstinence. It’s radical reclamation—of your brain, your body, your soul.

You don’t need fixing.
You need feeling.
Witnessing.
Unleashing.
And a hell of a lot of truth and love.

This is Dharma in the Dirt.
This is my story.
Let’s find yours.